


Put Tab D Into Slot V

by ZCFilorux



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dave's POV, F/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 13:36:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1984914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZCFilorux/pseuds/ZCFilorux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hypothesis; If Dave fucks Jade they'll have a bitching time.<br/>Results; Yes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Put Tab D Into Slot V

**Author's Note:**

> A porn parody written from Dave's point of view.

So I was at my friend’s house waiting for him to get home and hanging with his sister in the living room. It’s not uncommon for me to go to John’s place when he isn’t there, we’re like, brothers or some shit, so it’s all cool. Anyway, I was sitting on the couch when his sister came over and just, sat down next to me on the couch where I was chilling.  
I said, “Sup Jade.” ‘Cus you know, she and I are pretty tight friends too, and I offered her a fist bump in greeting.  
She bumped that fist like a pro and said, “Hi Dave!” And gave me this huge grin. It was hella hot, especially with how her hair and her glasses framed her face so perfectly you know? Like, a fucking goddess or something.  
Anyway, I’m sitting there with Jade smiling at me when she speaks up.  
“So, I was thinking… I know you’ve really liked me since the tenth grade when you accidentally saw me changing into my pyjamas that one time, and… Well… I was wondering if you’d like to, experiment, with me.”  
I looked at her over my shades, brow raised in pure curiosity. “Yeah?” A smirk curled my lips. “I dunno if right now would be a good time, I mean, John’s going to come home any minute.”  
“Well I didn’t mean RIGHT now… But now that you mention it… Maybe we could do, one little experiment? One, quick, little, experiment? Please?”  
I was gonna say no, I totally was, but she just gave me that puppydog look and I couldn’t say no. I mean, how the hell do you say no to a hot nerd girl with a cute overbite? You can’t, you just fucking can’t.  
“Alright.” I said.  
“Great!” she said. Then she stood up and performed for me the best strip show I’ve ever seen. I mean, yeah sure, I haven’t seen a whole tone of strip shows, but Jade is fucking hot, so you know it was way awesome. I quickly stripped down too and she walked back to sit on the couch. That’s when it all began.  
I mounted her like she was a fucking majestic hooved beast that was in need of taming and a good fuck. We kissed and our tongues duked it out like rock-em-sock-em-robots until I lost and pulled back to breath. I was hard in an instant, like boom, sudden act of erection, and I could tell by that feisty look in her eyes that she wanted it inside her.  
I situated my dick before slowly pressing the soft petals of her love flower apart and went ahead with my expedition. I went spelunking deep into her sex, exploring her cooze to try and find the pleasure treasure inside. That’s the g-spot by the way, I was looking for her g-spot.  
Damn though, she was tight. She was so tight, like the nozzle of a garden hose after it's sat out for the winter, but you need to wash your car and it's the only hose you have. So you're trying to unscrew the hose so you can wash your fucking car but it's just on there TIGHT. That's how tight she was.  
I slowly began to pump my throbbing member in and out like an eel having a stroke, my hands squeezing her spongy love mounds and pinching her nipples. She yelped and whined, begging me to go faster, and I gladly complied. The friction was hella ridic. I could imagine two brillo pads rubbing together then seeing us and feeling totally lame in comparison with how much fucking friction we had. The one brillo pad would start crying in shame while the other would just watch us, staring like you would at a train wreck, too wicked awesome to look away.  
Then there it was, climax. Shoved into our faces as I rammed into her ‘gasm knob like a fucking pro. It felt so good, like my dick was going to explode but in a good way, like, a dicksplosion, so I said, "Happy Dicksplosion Day gorgeous." And all she could do was groan with the most hard core lust you'd ever see. Like, really fucking hard core. Like, damn.  
Anyway, after I gave her a good final thrust I shot my seed, hard and heavy. It was like you finally got that fucking hose to work but it’s on the intense setting because you got a little too crazy trying to loosen it, so when it did loosen you just kept turning the nozzle until it got to that super powered water rocket level of crazy.  
I collapsed down on top of her, sweaty and panting the pair of us, when all of a sudden I heard a voice that didn’t belong to either of us.  
“Holy fuck!”  
It was John, he had come home just in time to see me flop down on top of Jade. I suddenly realized, holy shit, I just fucked my best friend’s hot sister who is also my friend! Fuck, yes. John didn’t seem too excited though, he ran away, probably to get me a trophy for being so fucking rad. I just smiled and looked down at jade who was bright red, but smiling back.  
“I think we’ll have to experiment a little more often.”


End file.
